The Mother Nature Interviews #7
Mother Nature’s SpokesHuman, Jack Goldenberg, sits down with the creator and protector of the planet, Mother Nature, for a revealing one-on-one interview.
Goldenberg: I know you’re busy. Thanks for the interview. May I call you Mother Nature?
Mother Nature: You can call me Mother Nature. You can call me Mother Earth. Or you can call me Gaia. Just don’t call me late for the cataclysmic destruction of the planet!
Goldenberg: (Laughs) Ha! That sounds like a joke. I didn’t know Mother Nature had a sense of humor.
Mother Nature: Really? Have you ever seen a Blobfish?
Mother Nature: I know you have a birthday coming up, Mother Nature. April 22nd, right?
Mother Nature: Well, yes, it’s my birthday And my Earth Day.
Goldenberg: That’s kinda cool.
Mother Nature: Not really, I get combination presents from Father Time.
Goldenberg: May, I ask you, how old are you?
Mother Nature: You just did.
Mother Nature: I’ll be a little more than four and a half billion years old.
Goldenberg: Well, you don’t look it.
Mother Nature: Thanks. I feel it! You know, I’m verklempt.
Goldenberg: How so?
Mother Nature: My air’s polluted. My oceans are bloated. I have terrible hot spells. And here’s the worst part. I think I’m losing my species.
Goldenberg: Sounds like you’re going through ‘the change.’
Mother Nature: Yup. Climate change. You heard of it?
Goldenberg: Everybody’s heard of it.
Mother Nature: (ANGRY) Damn right! Everybody’s heard of it! But not enough humans are doing a damn thing about it!
Mother Nature: They told me I was making a big mistake when I made humans the dominant life form on the planet.
Goldenberg: Who told you that?
Mother Nature: The dolphins. They said humans would wreck the joint. And they were right!
Goldenberg: : You sound a little angry.
Mother Nature: Angry? I’m not angry. I’m devastated! You’d be too, if you created the most perfectly balanced ecosystem in The Solar System and the last species you created was on a crash course to destroy all the other species.
Goldenberg: So, you’re blaming humans.
Mother Nature: Mother Nature never blames. Let’s just say, I’m updating the facts. Ninety seven percent of climate scientists agree. Humans caused climate change. And I say, “Humans, you broke the Earth! You fix it!”
Goldenberg: But haven’t climates changes happened throughout Earth’s history?
Mother Nature: Sure. Seven times in last 650,000 years. But who’s counting. The problem is, more recently, climate changes have occurred at an alarming and unprecedented rate.
Goldenberg: : And that would be dangerous? How?
Mother Nature: Oh, nothing to worry about really. Devastating floods. Sporadic famine. Territorial wars fought over water. Life as we know it will disappear.
Goldenberg: Sounds really threatening.
Mother Nature: You can say that again.
Goldenberg: Sounds really threatening.
Mother Nature: No, no, I didn’t mean…Oh, never mind mind.
Mother Nature: And you won’t even be able to get a decent cup of coffee at Starbucks.
Goldenberg: Now, I know you’re joking, right?
Mother Nature: No actually, you really won’t be able to get a decent cup of coffee at Starbucks.
Goldenberg: No Starbucks? How is that even possible?
Mother Nature: Starbucks uses 100% Arabica beans. Sixty percent of the world’s Arabica beans and millions of species we depend upon are being threatened unless humans do something to slow down climate change.
Mother Nature: Wanna see a video my Canadian SpokesHuman, Bruce Manson, made about even the simpler pleasures in life disappearing due to climate change?
Goldenberg: I guess it would require a huge change in human behavior to have an effect on climate change, huh?
Mother Nature: No, just simple things, really. Like living more sustainable lives. Recycling plastic although that’s going just into landfills since China stopped accepting ours.
Goldenberg: I didn’t know plastic was mounting up in landfills.
Mother Nature: Well, I’m happy when it doesn’t get dumped into the ocean. By 2050, there may be more plastic in the ocean than fish. That’s tragic!
Goldenberg: How else can human help the planer.
Mother Earth: Eating little less meat. Planting pollinating gardens. Stop destroying the rainforests. Use renewable energy. Not buying clothes you’re only going to wear once.
Goldenberg: That doesn’t seem too drastic.
Mother Nature: It’s not.
Goldenberg: But will that really make a difference?
Mother Nature: Collectively, yes. If enough humans care enough and act quickly, they can protect the planet for their children and grandchildren.
Goldenberg: If not?
Mother Nature: All bets are off.
Goldenberg: Thanks for the Interview Mother Nature. Where you headed now?
Mother Nature: I’m off to the Arctic to check on some sinkholes in the permafrost. Then I’m gonna contact Elon Musk and buy a ticket to Mars.
Goldenberg: You thinking of moving there?
Mother Nature: Might have to. Unless humans step up and save the planet. Hmm. Mother Mars. I kinda like the sound of that. You think I’d look good in red?