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Parents, You Screwed Up the Planet! Don’t Screw up Back to School!

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Welcome to Earth Day #221
Tuesday, August 9, 2022
“Earth Day is every day.”
Mother Nature

Later this month or the first week in September, kids will head back to school. Break out the vodka Mom and Dad (or Mom and Mom or Dad and Dad). What a relief!

No kids at home?. It’s time to “Cell-i-brate. Cell-i-brate! Dance to the Music.” But before you toast your good fortune, consider this:

Go Green! Don’t Screw up Back to School!

Just remember this mantra: Reuse. Reduce. Recycle. And you should be fine.

REUSE: It’s One of the New Three R’s.

According to energysaver.gov, the best way to minimize your kid’s environmental impact is to reuse items. Why not take 80 brown paper bags and plastic bottles off the road by sending your kids to school with a lunchbox.

Lunchboxes were cool in the 50s and they’re even cooler now. They signify a desire to live a more sustainable life. That’s something your kids and their friends can appreciate.

REDUCE: Buy Less. Waste Less. Save More.

Another way to save energy and money is to buy as little as possible. Every new thing you buy had to be manufactured, packed, and shipped.

So, ask your kids to go on a hunt to see how many of last year’s (and previous year’s) school supplies (paper, pens, pencils, notebooks, etc.) they can find hidden in their rooms, closets, even drawers you use. Everybody has a catch-all drawer.

Anything you find that’s still usable is one less thing to buy.

And if you’re planning to purchase a computer or electronics, be sure they are ENERGY STAR® qualified. That will ensure you save money and energy,

RECYCLE: At Both Ends of a Product’s Lifecycle

We’ve become well-aware of the need to recycle paper, plastics, and most appropriate beverage containers. But consider the other end of recycling–when you purchase a product.

Drive demand for recycled goods by purchasing items that contain a high level of post-consumer materials. Look for paper notebooks, pens, bags, reusable food storage items, and even clothes made from recycled materials!

Energy.Gov Back to School Shopping List:

  • Reusable lunchbox made from recycled plastic
  • Reusable food storage containers made from recycled plastic
  • Food utensils made from recycled plastic or from sustainable biomass such as bamboo
  • Reusable water bottle
  • Reusable snack bags
  • Last year’s backpack, pencil pouch, and combination lock
  • Last year’s ruler, pens, and markers
  • Paper notebooks and filler paper made from recycled paper
  • Writing and color pencils made from recycled fibers such as denim and newspapers
  • Solar powered calculator
  • Manual pencil sharpener
  • ENERGY STAR computers and electronics

And remember, if you set a good example for your kids and show them how to live more sustainably, there’s s good chance they’ll pass it on to the next generation.

The Mother Nature Interviews, Part 2

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Welcome to Earth Day #217
Wednesday, August 5, 2022
“Earth Day is every day.”
Mother Nature

Mother Nature sat down for Part 2 of an interview with her SpokesHuman, Jack Goldenberg.

Goldenberg: Mother Nature, we can’t seem to get away from the terrible news. Every day there’s more destruction. Forest fires destroy entire communities. Sinkholes swallow up huge swaths of land. Heat waves make it almost impossible to breathe. Entire species are become extinct. Climate change is creating havoc on the planet.

Mother Nature: You think? And it’ll get worse. Much worse than you can even imagine.

Goldenberg: How so?

Mother Nature: Humans are in for a real awakening. Maybe not for you, but your children and grandchildren will find life almost unlivable.

Goldenberg: How so?

Mother Nature: Climate change will make it impossible to grow crops or feed livestock. Entire populations will have to move just to find drinkable water. Coastal cities will practically disappear under water. And with fewer crops, there will be famine worldwide.

Goldenberg: That bad huh? So, is there no hope for the planet?

Mother Nature: There’s always hope. Up to a point. It’s like I always say, “Only one thing can slow climate change. Human change.”

Mother Nature: But if humans don’t change their wasteful habits, if corporations and governments don’t do their part, all bets are off.

Goldenberg: Guess that’s got you pretty upset.

Mother Nature: Upset? How would you feel if you created the most perfectly balanced eco-system in The Solar System and then one of the species you created ruined it for every other life form on the planet.

Goldenberg: I don’t get it. Does it really matter if the Dodo Bird, the Woolly Mammoth or the Tasmanian Tiger disappear from the face of the Earth?

Mother Nature: You don’t get it, do you? Don’t you realize everything on the planet depends on the existence of everything else? Wipe away one species and the species that was dependent on its existence is threatened too.

Mother Nature: Take bugs or bees.

Goldenberg: You take bees. I hate ‘em. They sting.

Mother Nature: That’s just what I’ve been trying to tell you. Bees are essential to life on the planet. Like every other living thing ,from animals to plants to trees and coral reefs.

Mother Nature: Here. Watch this video. My friend and your fellow human, Bruce Manson, does a better job of explaining it than I can.

Goldenberg: Well, you’ve certainly given me something to think about.

Mother Nature: No, don’t just thing about it. Do something about it.

Goldenberg: Me? What I do doesn’t matter.

Mother Nature: Of course, it does. Stop counting on everyone else to do their part. If most humans started living more sustainably, this planet and all its species would stand a chance of going on for another 4 ½ billion years.

Goldenberg: And if not?

Mother Nature: If not, I’m checking outta here. Moving to Mars. Hmm. Mother Mars. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

Goldenberg: Not really.

Mother Nature: How’d you think I look in Red?

The Mother Nature Interviews, Part 1

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Welcome to Earth Day #216
Wednesday, August 4, 2022
“Earth Day is every day.”
Mother Nature

Mother Nature sat down for a rare one-on-one interview with her SpokesHuman, Jack Goldenberg.

Goldenberg:  I know you’re busy. Thanks for the interview. May I call you Mother Nature?

Mother Nature:  You can call me Mother Nature. Or Mother Earth. Or call me Gaia. Just don’t call me late for the cataclysmic destruction of the planet!

Goldenberg:  (Laughs) I never knew Mother Nature had a sense of humor.

Mother Nature:  Really? Have you ever seen a Blobfish?

Blobfish are found in the marine waters of the Atlantic, Pacific, and Indian Oceans. They were voted “Ugliest Creature on the Planet” and “World’s Worst Blind Date.

Goldenberg: That’s one ugly creature.

Mother Nature: Yeah, well I think what humans have done to Earth is ugly. You guys continue to destroy the joint. It’s wearing me down.

Goldenberg:  You do look a little tired.

Mother Nature:  No wonder. My air’s polluted. My oceans are bloated. I have terrible hot spells. And I think I’m losing my species.

Goldenberg:  Sounds like you’re going through “The Change.”

Mother Nature:  Yup. Climate change. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

Goldenberg:  Everybody’s heard of it.

Mother Nature:  (ANGRY) But humans aren’t doing a damn thing about it. At least, not enough to make a difference!

Mother Nature: The dolphins said I was making a mistake making humans the dominant life form!

Goldenberg: Wait, sometimes you get advice from dolphins?

Mother Nature: Sometimes. I consult with all life forms. Everything on this planet has a purpose. That’s the way I designed it.

Goldenberg: It must be a terrible burden.

Mother Nature: It keeps me busy.

Goldenberg: Do you ever relax?

Mother Nature: Sure. I make myself some green tea. Light a doobie. And listen to music.

Goldenberg: Music? Like what.

Mother Nature: My favorite group now is Gangstagrass. Their music’s a cross between bluegrass and hip hop. And when they’re on the road touring, they lead incredibly sustainable lives.

Goldenberg: It’s tough be live sustainably when you’re on tour.

Mother Nature: I know. They even wrote a song about how the planet’s going to face huge droughts. It’s called Ran Dry. I love the lyrics.

Mother Nature starts singing Ran Dry…

Mother Nature: Ran down to the river
But the river ran dry
Lord knows there’s a reason why
Look up now
Not a cloud in the sky
Ran down to the river
But the river ran dry

Mother Nature: Here. Let me play it for you …

Goldenberg: Thanks for your time today, Mother Nature. Say, would you pass me that joint?

Mother Nature: Heck, no. Last time you bogarted it.

JOE MANCHIN L♥VES HIS M♥THER

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Welcome to Earth Day #215
Wednesday, August 3, 2022
“Earth Day is every day.”
Mother Nature

I used to think Senator Joe Manchin didn’t like me very much and didn’t care about the need to fight climate change, even though it was staring him right in his West Virginia face.

MOTHER’S NOTE:  West Virginia is extremely vulnerable to climate change. A huge number of its residents live in flood zones. Global warming is intensifying the kind of rainstorms that have caused deadly river overflows across the state.

News reports portrayed Manchin as walking away from one climate bill after another. But he always walked back, and recently Manchin and Sen. Chuck Schumer carved out the most ambitious climate change bill ever.

It’s not perfect, (there are still strong incentives for fossil fuel and coal producers) but it’s a great start. Here’s some of what the proposed bill (it’s not a law yet!) entails:

The $369 billion bill would funnel billions of dollars to wind, solar, and battery-powered developments that put clean power on the nation’s electrical grid.

Remember, if extreme weather shuts down regional power, you could be without Netflix, Prime Video, Apple TV+. and more for an indefinite period of time.

That could result in no streaming. But a whole lot of screaming!

Sure, there are tax incentives in the bill for traditional energy sources, like oil, gas, and coal and nuclear power, but the money must be used to capture the carbon emissions that’s been fueling climate change.

And there are even provisions in the bill to help reduce inflation by spurring domestic energy production. That will lower future energy costs.

Although, if the bill becomes a law, the U.S. Interior Department will have to offer up two million acres of federal land and 60 million acres of offshore acreage to oil and gas producers every year for the next decade.

I checked with the dolphins (No, not the Miami dolphins) and they think we gave away too much. But they’re overjoyed Congress finally is serious about fighting climate change.

Sure, the bill is not a law yet, but what are the chances Congress could screw it up and doom the planet’s species to extinction?

I’ll let the dolphins handle that one.

Senators Joe Manchin and Chuck Schumer proved what I’ve been saying all along:

“Only one thing can slow climate change. Human change.”

Tomorrow is another Earth Day. Don’t forget to show your Mother some love.

Mother Nature